The Bad Fairy’s Best Movie and TV Screenplay Bingo Card Checklist
Warning: Not Safe for Use as a Drinking Game
Presented in unranked order.
Protagonist stares moodily in quarter-profile shot. Bonus points for each additional usage.
Protagonist vomits. Bonus points for vomiting by the side of the road.
The only detective competent enough to solve the crime is mentally unstable and won’t get on the case until three colleagues have been creatively butchered by the bad guy. Bonus point for a female detective who’s got serious problems with hygiene.
“You believe me, don’t you? You have to believe me!”
Woman arrives at destination and sees door is open. It shouldn’t be. She goes inside. Bonus points if she doesn’t turn the lights on. Triple points for each time she says “Hello? Is anyone here? Hello?” while walking further into danger.
Man demonstrates his romantic attachment to woman by banging her up against the hallway wall while banging her.
Man demonstrates his romantic attachment to woman by having rapturous sex with her on the kitchen counter.
Quadruple points if intercourse between anyone throughout the movie/TV show never occurs on a bed.
“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?”
Characters lie on their pristine bedspreads wearing sneakers or shoes.
Mugs or teacups full of steaming beverages aren’t held by their handles.
Aerial shot of car traveling on highway through pine-forested landscape, in case there’s any confusion about what it means to “go somewhere.” Bonus point for each additional aerial shot.
Protagonists brush their teeth while holding conversations and walking around their apartments.
Female character puts on nice clean bathrobe before having bath. Bonus point for each lit candle around bathtub.
Extended scene of torture porn. Bonus point if self-inflicted. Double points if self-inflicted by woman. Triple points if woman extracts her own teeth. Quadruple points for woman in obstructed labor.
Protagonist’s best friend is from another ethnicity. Best friend has no other distinguishing characteristics and no personal life outside of friendship with protagonist.
Mother and teenage child share bonding experience by sharing cigarettes.
All dialogue is in mumblese.
Mood is created by the full range of grays on color film.
The protagonist’s dead spouse is a fully-corporeal constant companion.
“I hate you! I hate you!” Bonus points if said during sex.
Anything I left out? Send me your additions.
But what about "You just don't get it, do you" and "You need to take a look at this"? :)